I have an adult daughter (the one who was sleeping on the couch while my wife was getting her sex on with that guy). She's 19, graduated high school but still fairly immature, just working jobs in retail. Daughter tells us that end of July she's moving out of state to live with her friend's married sister.
She's moving, as in moving out and starting her life. It's difficult as a parent because there is no plan, no ambition towards anything, just moving out to enjoy life. I asked her if the drama between her mother and me was the reason of her moving out, and she said yes. She said she wanted to move out of the house, but moving out of state was a fun adventure. I kind of get it, and in a way I'm proud of her. Making a change like this is going to teach her a lot. I wish I knew these people better (I've talked with the friend, that's all) but that's fine, if she ever wants to come home she is always welcome.
Since Daughter told us this, Wife and I have made it mostly about her. Spending time before she goes, helping to pack, I'm shopping for a sentimental daddy-daughter gift/jewelry, etc.
My feelings are mixed:
- I'm proud of daughter. Making a change takes courage and I'm sure she'll have fun.
- I'm disappointed. When I thought of her moving away it was for school or a new job or some pursuit for her future.
- I'm worried for her. She could get hurt, get mixed up with the wrong people. It feels so sudden.
- There is zero attention focused on the marriage or the adultery, which makes me sad.
- Things are going exactly as I predicted, and Wife truly has no intention whatsoever of making ammends for the adultry and working on the marriage
- I'm wanting to stay in the marriage less, but am unable to share that because we don't talk and I'm tired of bringing things up.
- I'm getting clarity on a very basic boundary I have, which is "I can't stay in a marriage where there is unresolved Adultery."