Update... D is on hold for now. Wife approached me and said that she was sorry, that she doesn't want to D and wants to work things out.
She is in IC with her own issues. Part of what she wants is to not talk about the adultery ever again. This isn't something I can do. I know that if we rugsweep this, it is going to come back again.
I told her I also want a clean slate, but I don't know how to get there. I can't just rugsweep it.
We agreed to take a break. Not talk about anything for a bit and let things mellow and cool. I believe that is what is best right now regardless. She did agree at one point for an additional healing step.
My IC said that his concern for this approach is that we likely would never reach the level of intimacy that a marriage is supposed to have. And she will likely never go back and deal with the adultery with me.
So we have peace now, and in some ways this is a good thing that she's going back to work because no matter what, her earning a salary is a good thing no matter the outcome.
Now, possibly she will decide she wants to improve our marriage and she might have a change of heart. But likely not.
So as I think about this, I believe the adultery is going to come up again. I have a resentment that I'm just putting on hold, and it has nowhere to go. If we do end up moving to D at least her salary will change the financial picture, and I can probably get out of having to pay any alimony.
As I think about it, getting positioned so there is no alimony, that's worth waiting a few months to a year for. I'm really hoping things change but I'm tired of bringing it up.
It's horrible. The Dr. refilled a bottle of Ativan, I've been taking it every night this week to help sleep.