D on hold for now


Update... D is on hold for now. Wife approached me and said that she was sorry, that she doesn't want to D and wants to work things out.

We might not be D'ing


Quick update for the journal... wife and I are talking, we might not D, not sure how it is going to go but we're talking...

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Thoughts on Marriage Counseling


While I'm waiting to emotionally process this mess, I volunteer to this journal that I feel marriage counseling made things a whole lot worse for me.

Wife said we should D


In a surprising twist, Wife seemed to have lost her patience with me and this morning told me "maybe we should D." Now, I probably put the idea in her mind because yesterday I told her that if she's not committed then I want honest answers, rip the band-aid off, I'll be OK.

Will I Be Rejected Part 2/2


Follow up to a previous post, you can read it: Will I Be Rejected?

The answer is no I wasn't, although I think she skimmed the article at best. On Sunday 5/16/2021 after a late lunch, she initiated a discussion about it. I didn't really know what to expect, and while I didn't get a gushing revelation where she was in tears and a sudden change of heart, a few things were very encouraging:

It's What She Doesn't Say that Hurts


My wife is putting in tons of effort to re-engage her career. After 18 years of being a stay at home mom, in the wake of the adultery, she feels it is time to do this.

Will I Be Rejected? Part 1/2


I don't believe my wife is ready to reconcile after the adultery. We have tried counseling (didn't work for me, I'll have to update on that) but not much else. It has thus far been a huge disappointment for me.

I'm Not Sure We're Reconciling


It takes two to make a marriage work. I feel like I'm the only one working, but I'm not really sure what it is supposed to look like. She is working on the marriage in her own way, she is:

Wife starts IC today


This afternoon Wife starts individual counseling. It wasn't a demand, but rather I asked her to.

It's very complicated


My feelings on my situation are very complicated.

It is a combination of caring about her and wanting to stay married. It is about knowing that I made mistakes in the marriage and wanting to make things right. It is feeling good about how I've changed, and wanting her to trust those changes are here to stay.

My Story Part 3 of 3


By far the biggest conflict we have is the part the adultery plays in our current situation. To me, the adultery is the star of the show, front and center, the number one issue. To her, our marriage has many issues, the adultery is but one of them. She has said this, and has gotten offended when I have used the expression "affair recovery" as she prefers it be "marriage recovery."

My Story Part 2 of 3


My wife is a runner. In my home state all running events are cancelled from covid, but she found some half-marathon on the beach in November, and she could stay at the same condo we stayed before in August (they were nice condos and because of covid the deals were very good). Wife books a trip for herself and my adult daughter, and off they fly.

My Story Part 1 of 3


My wife and I are both early 50's and married 21 years before D-Day November 2020 (for those not familiar with infidelity jargon, D-Day stands for "Discovery Day", the day you found out. It's a horrible, horrible day). We have 3 beautiful children.



I'm writing this to document my journey as a husband who made some horrible mistakes by neglecting my marriage and mistreating my wife. I'm still and hope to stay married, but dealing with the emotional toll has been very difficult.