Update... D is on hold for now. Wife approached me and said that she was sorry, that she doesn't want to D and wants to work things out.
In a surprising twist, Wife seemed to have lost her patience with me and this morning told me "maybe we should D." Now, I probably put the idea in her mind because yesterday I told her that if she's not committed then I want honest answers, rip the band-aid off, I'll be OK.
Follow up to a previous post, you can read it: Will I Be Rejected?
The answer is no I wasn't, although I think she skimmed the article at best. On Sunday 5/16/2021 after a late lunch, she initiated a discussion about it. I didn't really know what to expect, and while I didn't get a gushing revelation where she was in tears and a sudden change of heart, a few things were very encouraging:
My feelings on my situation are very complicated.
It is a combination of caring about her and wanting to stay married. It is about knowing that I made mistakes in the marriage and wanting to make things right. It is feeling good about how I've changed, and wanting her to trust those changes are here to stay.
By far the biggest conflict we have is the part the adultery plays in our current situation. To me, the adultery is the star of the show, front and center, the number one issue. To her, our marriage has many issues, the adultery is but one of them. She has said this, and has gotten offended when I have used the expression "affair recovery" as she prefers it be "marriage recovery."
My wife is a runner. In my home state all running events are cancelled from covid, but she found some half-marathon on the beach in November, and she could stay at the same condo we stayed before in August (they were nice condos and because of covid the deals were very good). Wife books a trip for herself and my adult daughter, and off they fly.