I'm writing this to document my journey as a husband who made some horrible mistakes by neglecting my marriage and mistreating my wife. I'm still and hope to stay married, but dealing with the emotional toll has been very difficult.

I will create a page for my story, but in a nutshell I had some issues with being emotionally abusive, and my wife had an affair.

It shouldn't have taken a sexual betrayal to wake me up.

But it did, and boy did it hurt. My wife and I are trying to reconcile. As of this writing I don't believe she is ready to reconcile, and I feel like I have been driving this myself. It isn't working terribly well.

So far I've had to wrestle with forgiveness, reconciliation, next steps and continuing to move forward, and my own healing. Emotionally I have experienced searing anger, intense fear, and deep hurt. If it wasn't bad enough, I'm also trying to rebuild a marriage with a wife who I feel acts indifferent.

So that's the first post here.

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