I don't believe my wife is ready to reconcile after the adultery. We have tried counseling (didn't work for me, I'll have to update on that) but not much else. It has thus far been a huge disappointment for me.
- We were doing a daily de-stress meeting, daily check in meeting. I stopped initiating them, and so they stopped
- We were doing the love mapping Gottman cards daily. She initiated the discussion a couple times, but then I stopped initiating them, and those discussions stopped.
- I have suggested doing a workbook together, doing some marriage activities, or taking an online course, and she didn't want to do any of them.
- In a previous post I mentioned how she would not take an hour and read a book I had suggested.
- She has not shown any initiative in getting informed on adultery or recovery
That's a little background. There is a lot more there, but that should be enough to appreciate the invitation I gave her yesterday. A week ago I asked if she would be willing to read an article, and then follow up with me for a discussion. She said yes.
Yesterday (Friday) afternoon I sent her a copy of this: Things that every WS needs to know I didn't send her the link, I printed a pdf of just the article as I'm concerned that site would be too much for her. I sent her an email that this was a harsh article, I didn't mean all of it for us, but I highlighted some sections I wanted her to understand. I said the whole article is about 10-15 min. to read.
In my email I concluded with this message "I'll assume you have not read it until you tell me otherwise. I will not ask." It is totally and completely in her court. She said she received my email and that she would read the article.
I think the worst response would be for her to just ignore it. I'm not expecting her to ignore it, but I can see something else coming up that takes priority and she never gets to it.
The possibility is there for a rejection, and each time you would think it gets less painful, but it doesn't.
I will post an update when I've got one.